Thank you...

Thank you all for your wishes...

May Hashem help all the single bloggers find their zivug as easily as I found mine...

I think I'm quitting blogging, but I will keep reading your posts with much interests...

Thnak you for having been here along the way...

The End

Or not really. It's not the end, it's not even the begining of the end. It's the end of the beginning. Cuz it all starts now. Cuz guess what?

I'm not Stuck In Shidduchim anymore...

הודו לה' כי לא תמנו כי לא כלו חסדיו

Not a good match...

Sometimes, you look at two food items to put in your sandwich and you decide it's not a good match.

Sometimes, you pick two clothes and try them on, only to decide, it's not a good match.

Sometimes, when you meet someone, yo can tell very quickly that it's not a good match.

Sometimes you try to set up people only to hear that, despite your intentions, it's not a good match.

Lately, I've been trying to convince my self that I could make a match.
So I tried, only to find out, that blogging and finals, it's not a good match...

So I'll quit blogging for a while (if I can do that) and will be back as soon as all these are over...

Hidden information

Okay fellow bloggers, I have a question, and I really need answers from all of you.

Let's say you were dating someone whom you know has/had family issues. What are the things you need to know? What are the things, that if they were not said to you ( whether before or during the dating process) would make you change your mind about the person and break up even though you like him/her before knowing that?

( Hope I'm being clear, but if I'm not, it's understandable. I am not in a clear state of mind these days. Blame college, finals, family, and last but not least, this crazy dating world)


Added on after reading comments and emails:

This is meant to be a vague question

Wondering...

Just came back from a friend's wedding. Was one of the very few single girls. Just wondering. Is this ever gonna be me? Am I ever gonna be the one in the white gown, looking happy, feeling whole?

Taking 'no' for answer, and giving justification

So here comes my list of "non-arguable excuses you get when being dumped":

- Looks: You can't convince a person to find someone else pretty or attractive, and trust me, you don't want to.

I get it a lot, because I am kinda tall, and guys don't really like taller girls. I can't force them and if I were a guy, I'd probably think the same way...

- Money: I don't have it know, and it won't happen overnight, so keep looking, I don't come with 20grands... and I understand if money occupies an important place in your life, although it doesn't in mine...

  

I guess these are things that even with the strongest willpower I can have, are things I will never be able to change, and therefore see no need to argue about them, because to me, they're on the one side, legitimate, on the other, you can't change a person's mind about them...

 

But more importantly, there are reasons people refuse a shidduch that I don't understand. At all.

- Family matters: refusing to date an orphan, a child of divorced parents, without even enquiring what happened and how the person went through it.

- "It doesn't feel right" As long as it doesnt feel wrong, go for it. Dig more. you'll know soon enough

- "Someone told me he thinks it's not compatible for a reason he won't specify." And you wouldn't double check?

Again, it's not about agreeing or not with the decision, as in most cases you don't really have a choice. It's about understanding it, accepting it with peace of mind, no regrets, and being able to sincerely wish the other side only good things.

When I get an "It doesn't feel right, although nothing's wrong", I have a hard time understanding. Why don't people actually wait to have a reason to break up? Or if there is one, find a tactful way to say it? Afterall, we're adults, capable of disussing issues without insulting or getting insulted?

Be honest, it'll help you and the other side move on in the dating process more easily. If you know what disturbed someone, you might decide it's actually something you'd wanna work on to better yourself, or not.

If you'd have to give a full report on the date, then you'd be force to face what actually bothered you, and it'll ease and make for successful further dating experiences, by avoiding repeated patterns...

I think it's stupid that people have to make up a reason for breaking up. I think that if someone is not ready to say it outloud, it might be that it's not clear in his mind. As a famous French writer sais '(Boileau, for whoever wants to check) "Whatever is well understood is clearly told, and words to say it flow easily".

Sometimes, it's because you don't want hurt the other side. Ever heard of "all is fair in love and war"? Shidduch dating is one or the other. Be prepared, you will hear 'not nice things', but don't get hurt, it's not you, it's the couple you were trying to create that is being rejected, the potential future etc...

  

Come on, be a man !! Say it ! Don't make excuses ! Say what you have to say! Face the issues that came up ! Be honest, and without hurting, give a valid reason for breaking off/refusing a shidduch!You'll benefit from it, and so will your date...

When do you take 'no' for an answer?

I read this article from Thinking Jew Girl about deal breakers.
She wonders what is a deal breaker in a relationship?

I would say there are none for me. Every human being is complex and one trait can be okay in someone and totally off putting in someone else.

That of course excludes things that are universally defined as not normal, such as mental disorders and criminal records

Even Middos are by defintion 'measures' and are to be taken into consideration with the whole picture, and not isolated from a person, a context, an education.

My question goes the other way round. If we have deal breakers, so do guys.

When a guy doesn't agree to date you, or calls off the shidduch, when do you 'accept' his decision? Sometimes they just make excuses, sometimes it's legitimate.

What are the things that you understand and accept, if the guy refuses to date you, or see you again?
When do you take 'no' for an answer?

It's not like we really have a choice when we get dumped, but we have the choice to understand and accept his point of view.

Personally, there a excuses I don't agree with. I mean that I wish I could explain to him how wrong he is for refusing because of that specific point ( not the general situation). And there are reasons given you can't argue with, either because it's legitimate, or so unrationnal, that no reasoning can compete.

I wanna read what you have to say before coming up with my own list.

So, dear reader?
What are the things that you understand and accept, if the guy refuses to date you or see you again?
When do you take 'no' for and answer?