If there's one thing I never figured out how to handle is communicating with my friends-in-law.
As you might have understood, friends-in-law are the husbands of my friends. They are really close friends, and I consider their kids as my nieces and nephews, so I guess that turns their husbands into friends-in-law.
As I mentionned in my previous post, I never actually knew how to speak to a guy before I started dating ( and apparently, I still don't...). When a guy would come and talk to me, I would become suddenly extremely aggressive, as if I was trying to prevent any sort of communication and protect myself from the harm theses guys might cause to me.
But when a guy is off-limits, by being my best friend's husband, I don't feel that way. But nevertheless, it doesn't make me comfortable around them.
My best friend often invites me over, and I love going to her and I love my "almost niece". But I always ask if her husband's home, and if she answers positively, I kindly decline the invitation.
Now, her husband is a really nice guy, and talks to me, joins discussions I have with his wife, sometimes suggests a friend of his and so on...
Yet, I never feel comfortable around him. Or any other friend-in-law for that matter. And the reason is because I don't know where to set the boundaries. I never know when my friend will start to think that I'm being to friendly wiht her husband, yet I don't know if she feels I'm being to distant.
Halachically, I don't exactly know how this issue is dealt with, but what I do know is that there are boundaries to set.
Well, what are those boundaries? Not speaking? Politely smiling? Eating at the same table and having a free conversation.?
I don't know, and I keep hoping things will be different when I'll have a husband to "make things look right", but I'm not sure. If I am the one who has trouble developping a healthy relationship with my friends-in-law, no husband will change anything to the situation.
I have to find a balance between being tensed and pressured around them and developping an halachically healthy 'relationship', to hurt my friend the less possible (in either way)?
But how do I do that? Any tips?
3 comments:
I have the same "issue" as you. I don't feel comfortable around my friends' husbands and I'm perfectly okay with that. I shouldn't be! They're not my friend. So while I'm polite and I don't ignore them, I would not get into any heavy discussion with them, unless it was necessary.
It's a tough one, and it depends on the husband. The super-yeshivish I simply ignore. The more modern I talk to normally when their wives are around, but very little when they're not. Between that it's sometimes awkward.
I kinda adopted this attitude too, until this shabbat. I spent shabat by my friend's marreid sister, who's supposed to be super-yeshivish,and he spoke to me, asked for my name, included me in the conversations... But mybe he was just a nice guy...
Post a Comment