It feels good to come home after having been away for 6 months... As I was having a nice talk with my mother and sister this Shabbos afternoon, we were talking (obviously) about shidduchim and marriage and all that amazing stuff, and I asked my mother if, when she was young, she ever pictured herself, as an older single. She told me she never thought of her life that way.
I then said that I do, and sometimes, I picture myself as an older sigle. By older single, I mean those who are coming close to their thirties, live a life of a "grown-up" and arouse real pity to everyone around.
My sister laughed at me like I was crazy, and my mother said she never realized how desperate I was.
I came on to explain that I know people who are 'Older singles', and are having a hard time being it. I added that these girls were all great girls when they were 20 and never thought of the possibility they might not get married easily and as early as everyone thought.
I said that maybe, if I can anticipate such a future, it will be easier to deal with if the future turns out to be one of an older single.
Am I a pessimistic? Am I crazy?
Maybe yes, maybe not.
I am tired of picturing myself in a white gown, like my friends, pregnant, like my friends, running a house and a small (and growing) family, and its not happenning. So maybe, if I picture myself as an older single, it won't happen...
4/17/2011
4/05/2011
Isn't it worth playing the game?
(Thanks to The Pragmatician for the title)
For all of us who know about dating, and have had enough of it, or went through too many hard times, I bet those questions came up at least once: "Do I really wanna do this? Is marriage really worth all that trouble ? Is it worth playing the game?"
If you ask married people, they'll answer you with a glowing smile and sparkles in their eyes "Of course it is !!!!" But we all agree that the recently (or less recently) married people aren't exactly objective. It sounds like they forgot everything about the hard times (or less hard) they when through while dating the second they entered their bubble, never to come out (hopefully).
And maybe that's the answer. maybe the fact that once you are married, everything falls into nothing but a vague memory, turns the whole dating process into an small and dark antichamber that you even forgot you stayed in once you're living in the palace.
But maybe not.
I personally think that you have to believe strongly that marriage is an achievement, something worth reaching to be willing to do that. Then, after every breakup, or decision you made, you lay on your bed and say outloud "After all, it was worth playing the game, because when I'll be done playing, the reward I'll get for playing will be so great, it'll make me forget all those days when playing wasn't so easy."
And how can one do that? How can one view marriage as something "totally worth it" if you never went through it?
I can definitely say that even though college gets hard sometimes, it's definitely worth it because I know what I'll feel when I'll graduate. Because I've done that already. Because I know the feeling.
But marriage? If I listen to my mother/teachers, it's work, work work and work...
If I listen to my married friends, it's bliss, bliss, and bliss...
Granted, marriage is probably a bit of both, but why do we believe so strongly it is THE achievement? Is it the jewish ( and for some of us, orthodox) society we live in that engraved in us this belief? Is it fairy tales and Hollywood movies that depict it as so wonderful ?
I've given that some thought for the past weeks, and I reached a sort of conclusion:
Emuna Pshuta.
Just like we believe Hashem exists firstly because our parents told us and taught us. And we do Mitzvot because we believe that's what He wants from us. And later in life, because we can actually see Him in every aspect of our lives, we positively do those same Mitzvot, because we learnt more and now it's not only out of belief, but also out of knowledge.
Just like we believe our friends that marriage is a bliss, because we see them happy, we believe we should go through all those stages who will take us there.
And once we'll be there, we'll know it was worth it...
For all of us who know about dating, and have had enough of it, or went through too many hard times, I bet those questions came up at least once: "Do I really wanna do this? Is marriage really worth all that trouble ? Is it worth playing the game?"
If you ask married people, they'll answer you with a glowing smile and sparkles in their eyes "Of course it is !!!!" But we all agree that the recently (or less recently) married people aren't exactly objective. It sounds like they forgot everything about the hard times (or less hard) they when through while dating the second they entered their bubble, never to come out (hopefully).
And maybe that's the answer. maybe the fact that once you are married, everything falls into nothing but a vague memory, turns the whole dating process into an small and dark antichamber that you even forgot you stayed in once you're living in the palace.
But maybe not.
I personally think that you have to believe strongly that marriage is an achievement, something worth reaching to be willing to do that. Then, after every breakup, or decision you made, you lay on your bed and say outloud "After all, it was worth playing the game, because when I'll be done playing, the reward I'll get for playing will be so great, it'll make me forget all those days when playing wasn't so easy."
And how can one do that? How can one view marriage as something "totally worth it" if you never went through it?
I can definitely say that even though college gets hard sometimes, it's definitely worth it because I know what I'll feel when I'll graduate. Because I've done that already. Because I know the feeling.
But marriage? If I listen to my mother/teachers, it's work, work work and work...
If I listen to my married friends, it's bliss, bliss, and bliss...
Granted, marriage is probably a bit of both, but why do we believe so strongly it is THE achievement? Is it the jewish ( and for some of us, orthodox) society we live in that engraved in us this belief? Is it fairy tales and Hollywood movies that depict it as so wonderful ?
I've given that some thought for the past weeks, and I reached a sort of conclusion:
Emuna Pshuta.
Just like we believe Hashem exists firstly because our parents told us and taught us. And we do Mitzvot because we believe that's what He wants from us. And later in life, because we can actually see Him in every aspect of our lives, we positively do those same Mitzvot, because we learnt more and now it's not only out of belief, but also out of knowledge.
Just like we believe our friends that marriage is a bliss, because we see them happy, we believe we should go through all those stages who will take us there.
And once we'll be there, we'll know it was worth it...
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