One of the things a full time student does to make a little money is ... babysitting.
The worth part of it is, that sometimes, I don't even get paid. But that's a choice. When I watch my best friend's baby, or my first cousin's 2 adorabel kids, I don't ask for money. But that's not what I wanna blog about...
I went one night to my cousin's house, and took care of her kids. I loved it ! Feed 'em, undress them, changing nappies, putting them to bed etc... I loved it !!
I loved being a mom for a few hours.
The next day, my best frienf called me saying she had this class in college till 7 PM that couldn't be missed, and asked me if she could leave her 7 months old adorable baby girl with me. Of course I agreed. And again, it was so much fun ! Playing with her, making a bottle, feeding her, watching every move of hers, putting her to sleep and so on...
I loved being a mum for a few hours.
A few days later, a girl around my age ( I did'nt know her) called me to ask me if I could come to her house and babysit her 11 month old daughter. I agreed, and I went. Same stuff. Make a bottle, feed, change, put to sleep and so on...
I hated being a mum for a few hours.
I sat down when she was sleeping and give that some thought. I hate dit because I didn't feel anything towards this kid. I loved taking care of babies I knew and babies I loved. I didn't like to take care of a total stranger.
And then I thought of the time when Iy"h I'll be a real mom. And when I'll wake up after labor in an hospital room, an they will pt my baby on me, and I got scared. What if i felt this baby was a total stranger to me. What if carrying him for 9 monhs didn't create a connection, a relationship. What if I was a bad mother? What if I didn't love my kids? And even worse, what if my kids knew it and didn't love me? This got me really really scared. It was even off-putting, because that kind of thought doesn't just go away.
No, I can't be a bad mother. I had an amazing one, I love kids, i will hopefully love mine. Hopefully. Here I go again.
And what if not??????????
That's it.
I'm officially scared of getting married because I'm scared of being a bad mom.
3 comments:
Don't be scared.
By the time you give birth to that baby, he/she is no longer a stranger.
You've felt her/him kick. You know his/her temperment. (You may have even felt a knee or heel once or twice).
You've labored and worked to nourish and bring this baby into this world for nine months (and about 12 hours) and this baby is YOURS.
You will love it.
You will want to do ANYTHING for it.
It's the best experience of your life and as the child reaches adulthood (sooner than you think) it will be the thing you are most proud of.
Fear not.
Life happens.
Go with it :D
I agree with G6.
You'll love your children. You'll form that bond. You will. You will.
I hope you got paid for watching a total stranger's kid. Besides this though, I agree that you will be a good mother. My guess is that if you gave the subject some more thought, you would probably come to the conclusion that this fear of yours is irrational. An ice cold chillorade might be in order.
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