I have never been the type to get insulted because someone got engaged without telling me beforehand. I totally respected their privacy, and if my friends didn't feel like telling me they were seeing someone, it was OK with me.
But now, things are different. I rent an appartment with four other girls. One of them, my roomate is actually a friend from school and from seminary. We have kind of an history, and we don't have what you'd call a trustful relationship. She has been doing stuff I don"t approve, but I told her straightforward I wanted to stay put of it She didn't like it, but I didn't care.
One of all the stuff I disapproved turned out to be a serious story with a guy, and now they are to get engaged officially in a few weeks. I found out by teasing her to know if, during her stay home for Pesach, something came up. And she answered with an evasive "maybe, maybe". A few days later, I asked her to tell me more about it, and she ignored me. I figured that after all, I've been watching her going out with him for 5 months, I was entitled to know more than what I guessed. But, after all, I turned away when I told her I din"t want to be involved....
Vicious circle....
I feel insulted that she doesn't tell me more. We're still friends after all. But I turned her away. So she turns me away even more.
I turned her away because I didn't care. But I did.
I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know why I feel insulted that she doesn't let me in her life when I was the one to leave it?
PS Totally useless post, I just needed to jot my feelings down.
2 comments:
I can totally relate to this post. I have friends who did not tell me certain things- like when they got engaged- and it really hurt. Not because I was upset that I didn't know, but because the message seemed to be "we are not close friends." Close friends confide in each other, and they told other close friends, so why did they not tell me? They must not think we're close. So then I do what you do- push them away. As though - fine, if you don't want to be friends, we won't be friends. Maybe I make no sense, but...I know what you mean.
There were only 2 times where I really minded. Once was with a friend who had an agreement with me that we'd tell the other one if either of us were dating seriously, but I guess she forgot...at least she called me in person to tell me once she got engaged, but I won't lie, it did sting a bit at first.
The other time was when I worked in a frum place and was friendly with the other single girl who was about my age. She never said anything to me even when she got engaged so I didn't realize anything had happened and why everybody was going over to her excitedly...it wasn't that I expected advance notice but it would have been nice for her to come over and tell me something like, "Guess what? I'm engaged!" I would have been very happy to hear that, but instead I felt very foolish because I was standing around looking confused while everybody was huddling around her. Then, of course, since I didn't immediately run over to say mazel tov, another co-worker assumed I was having a hard time dealing with it, I guess, because she came over to me later, and asked me in a concerned, sympathetic tone "how was I doing??" which I appreciated even less.
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