When you are single and all your friends seem to find their match pretty quickly, you're left out, friendless.
I felt like I had noone to talk to about my shidduchim issues, no one to hang out with, no shoulder to cry on when things went bad.
So one thing was left to do. I had to make new friends. At first, I thought it was impossible for 2 reasons.
Firstly because I felt I was betraying my real friends if I had other friends, and second, I HAD friends, and I didn't really need new ones, I just have to wait till I'm married too and then we can catch up !
And then I realized that they betrayed me when they got marreid ( well, not quite, but you get what I mean), and second, I have no way to know how long till I get married, so waiting to catch up is taking a risk.
So I made new friends. Friends I can relate to. Friends who can relate to me. Friends with whom I share dating stories and time to think about it. Friends who still have time to go grab ice-cream. Friends who don't talk about how awful it is to iron 16 white shirts in a row. Friends who don't complain about waking up at night to feed a crying baby.
And the worst part is, that with my new friends, we spend our time talking about how much we wanna be like them...
Am I being deloyal? I don't lose touch with my married friends, it's just that I need something else.
So here I say, thank you to my new friends, I couldn't go through singlehood without you. And you really are a friend to me, not just an 'in the meantime friend'.
8 comments:
That's good that you made new friends.
I'm sorry all you hear your married friends do is complain - there's so much good and so much blessing in marriage that it's sad that they use you as their sounding board. If only they'd let you hear the positive side too, so you know you have lots to look forward to, especially since you want it so badly, and rightfully so!
May Hashem guide you to continue making the right friends throughout your life and may you be able to hold on tight to your old friendships too.
Thanks for commenting and for your kind and meaningful wishes.
Don't worry, they don't make marriage look bad. it's just that human nature complains more spontaneously. Moreover, all the blessings you mention that marriage is is something you can't really talk about and is hard to put into words...
I don't agree with you. Although there are certain aspects of marriage that are not to be discussed even with close friends, there is plenty of positive to be shared. Instead of the complaining I'm so tired, I was up half the night with my baby how about, I had such an exhausting week and my husband was so helpful, he cooked the entire shabbos for me! That makes you realize that although marriage comes along with challenges, the husband and wife work together to make things easier for each other. They are there for each other emotionally, after a long day there's someone to talk to and let it all out and to compliment you on your hard work...there's so much good, it's a pity you don't get to hear some of it!
I don't know how long you've been married, butmy friendsm are relatively newlyweds (around 2 yrs) I don't think you can come to theses conclusions when you haven't given thought to the way marriage worksm when marriage just 'happened to you'...
That's my opinion, and that's one reason I think I gain by being single for longer. I get to read more, think more and not to view marriage solely as an institution and a succession of things to get done before a certain age...
It's true. It is human nature for us to complain faster and more often than the times we praise and show the positive side. And it's the same with us and Hashem. How quickly do we run to our siddur right before we need something or take out a tehillim when we hear sad news? And how quickly do we run to take out a tehillim or siddur to thank Hashem when we hear good news?!
Marriage is a beautiful thing and it is not something that just happens to anybody. I agree that waiting enhances the appreciation for what you get and deepens your understanding of what it is that you are waiting for.
May you get there soon and may the waiting end!
Amen !
I think your married friends, and new single friends have two totally different purposes, and theyre both important.
My problem is that I find it frustrating to go make new friends when they all go and get engaged, leaving me in the same position as before. I know, that sounds selfish. Oh well.
You have no idea how right you are. One of the friends which I had specifically in mind, is dating someone seriously... I'd be thrilled if she marries him, but I'll be back to square one...
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