Taking 'no' for answer, and giving justification

So here comes my list of "non-arguable excuses you get when being dumped":

- Looks: You can't convince a person to find someone else pretty or attractive, and trust me, you don't want to.

I get it a lot, because I am kinda tall, and guys don't really like taller girls. I can't force them and if I were a guy, I'd probably think the same way...

- Money: I don't have it know, and it won't happen overnight, so keep looking, I don't come with 20grands... and I understand if money occupies an important place in your life, although it doesn't in mine...

  

I guess these are things that even with the strongest willpower I can have, are things I will never be able to change, and therefore see no need to argue about them, because to me, they're on the one side, legitimate, on the other, you can't change a person's mind about them...

 

But more importantly, there are reasons people refuse a shidduch that I don't understand. At all.

- Family matters: refusing to date an orphan, a child of divorced parents, without even enquiring what happened and how the person went through it.

- "It doesn't feel right" As long as it doesnt feel wrong, go for it. Dig more. you'll know soon enough

- "Someone told me he thinks it's not compatible for a reason he won't specify." And you wouldn't double check?

Again, it's not about agreeing or not with the decision, as in most cases you don't really have a choice. It's about understanding it, accepting it with peace of mind, no regrets, and being able to sincerely wish the other side only good things.

When I get an "It doesn't feel right, although nothing's wrong", I have a hard time understanding. Why don't people actually wait to have a reason to break up? Or if there is one, find a tactful way to say it? Afterall, we're adults, capable of disussing issues without insulting or getting insulted?

Be honest, it'll help you and the other side move on in the dating process more easily. If you know what disturbed someone, you might decide it's actually something you'd wanna work on to better yourself, or not.

If you'd have to give a full report on the date, then you'd be force to face what actually bothered you, and it'll ease and make for successful further dating experiences, by avoiding repeated patterns...

I think it's stupid that people have to make up a reason for breaking up. I think that if someone is not ready to say it outloud, it might be that it's not clear in his mind. As a famous French writer sais '(Boileau, for whoever wants to check) "Whatever is well understood is clearly told, and words to say it flow easily".

Sometimes, it's because you don't want hurt the other side. Ever heard of "all is fair in love and war"? Shidduch dating is one or the other. Be prepared, you will hear 'not nice things', but don't get hurt, it's not you, it's the couple you were trying to create that is being rejected, the potential future etc...

  

Come on, be a man !! Say it ! Don't make excuses ! Say what you have to say! Face the issues that came up ! Be honest, and without hurting, give a valid reason for breaking off/refusing a shidduch!You'll benefit from it, and so will your date...