She wonders what is a deal breaker in a relationship?
I would say there are none for me. Every human being is complex and one trait can be okay in someone and totally off putting in someone else.
That of course excludes things that are universally defined as not normal, such as mental disorders and criminal records
Even Middos are by defintion 'measures' and are to be taken into consideration with the whole picture, and not isolated from a person, a context, an education.
My question goes the other way round. If we have deal breakers, so do guys.
When a guy doesn't agree to date you, or calls off the shidduch, when do you 'accept' his decision? Sometimes they just make excuses, sometimes it's legitimate.
What are the things that you understand and accept, if the guy refuses to date you, or see you again?
When do you take 'no' for an answer?
It's not like we really have a choice when we get dumped, but we have the choice to understand and accept his point of view.
Personally, there a excuses I don't agree with. I mean that I wish I could explain to him how wrong he is for refusing because of that specific point ( not the general situation). And there are reasons given you can't argue with, either because it's legitimate, or so unrationnal, that no reasoning can compete.
I wanna read what you have to say before coming up with my own list.
So, dear reader?What are the things that you understand and accept, if the guy refuses to date you or see you again?
When do you take 'no' for and answer?
3 comments:
on the other side,smoking is a big no-no for me.if i found out that a guy was a smoker i probably would not continue to date him.
if a guy says no because of looks,there's nothing i can do 2 change the way he thinks about me.i will try not 2 take it personally even tho i know i take it 2 heart and its hard esp since its not in my control-i make sure 2 look my best b4 going out and i know i look good.but there's no way 2 convince him any other way 1ce he formed an opinion about me.also, many times saying no 2 looks comes because there is really something buried deeper -a personality trai t perhaps or somethng else thats botherng theguy...in any case it's always hard 2 take a no from a guy cuz its the feeling of rejection that hurts most
I think everyone has something that to them is a deal-breaker, but in most cases deal-breakers will be a subjective matter. With regards to the second point of the post, what are you supposed to do about a no? Essentially, you can’t force someone to go out again. Getting a “No” is hard, and sometimes very painful, but it shouldn’t be a reflection on you. It should just mean that the two of you aren’t a viable match or just incompatible for marriage. That doesn’t make either of you bad or inferior people. Also, sometimes people will say “No” for ambiguous or inaccurate reason to avoid getting into issues with Loshon Hora, insulting someone else, or just plain old defamation. I would suggest talking the reason behind a no with a grain of salt. Accepting a “No” isn’t easy, but in some cases saying “No” can be even harder.
You're right, there's nothing to do about a 'no', technically.
But what you can do is deciding how to deal with... Check my next post...
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